Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Fight Club

I'm trying to convince myself that not everything has to happen right now, but I have no patience and a pretty short temper. So you'll find me most often in a fight with life.
If you haven't already, you will. I advise you to fight back, only life is much stronger no matter how tough you think you are. Life will leave you with scratches on your face and while you sit in a corner trying to heal, it will throw lemons at you. Your scratches will sting and burn like hell. You'd think you'll have time to make lemonade or whatever that quote says, you won't. The only thing you would do is hide your face and while you do that you'll miss on the beauty of life some people talk about.
So screw it, fight that battle you know you'll lose. Pick up a jar of Nutella and a couple of Kinder bars for moral support, and fight!

Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Dear 26

Dear 26,

I was ready by 7:30 am and walking to my car. I switch on the car and do my daily checks of petrol and mirrors. With my coffee in the cup holder, I start driving with a smile. I love driving at 80 kmph so I turn to the right lane and drive slowly and calmly to my destination. Today, I'm on my way to my recently opened coffee shop. Crisp white and mahogany interior with coffee beans decorating the place, the smell of coffee lingering in the air and the sound of coffee machines soothing the busy brains. I walk in with a smile asking for an Americano. I pull out my wallet and my current read. I'm daydreaming.

I catch myself daydreaming about anything and everything coming up to being 26. How I would react when I get the news about being accepted for my MSc or an approval for a training at the WHO. My recent daydreaming trend is apartments. I miss living in an apartment and I find myself daydreaming about a Nordic styled one. I daydream about happy moments but I sometimes daydream about losing someone close to my heart. I mostly dismiss such thoughts, nod my head and blink a couple of times and go back to whatever I was doing. I could imagine you remembering today in a meeting and laughing about how much I worry at 22.

To be honest, I sometimes worry that when I reach 26 you wouldn't have figured anything out. You'd still be lost and confused and I'll be here hoping for no reason. But I need something to hold on to and daydream about and you're all I've got for now.

Please figure it out.

Friday, April 03, 2015

A Day In My Job-To-Be

On Tuesdays and Wednesdays I have no control over the news to be delivered. I know nothing about families except the most personal part of their lives and probably the worst. I see the struggle. misery, depression and very rarely acceptance. All they want is an explanation to why their child, and in some cases children, are the way they are.

Looking straight into their anxious worried eyes, we thank them for taking the time to come and see us. We start by taking their family history and we embark in asking very personal questions, wanting every detail. They answer our questions and watch us draw circles and squares connected with lines. They don't understand why we have to ask about their 3rd cousin once removed from their maternal grandmother's side.

We reach the part the parents are here for, we try to explain the disease and what the affects are in simple terms. While explaining, we ask them if they noticed these symptoms in their child to help them understand what we're saying. Then comes the harder part, explaining the inheritace. You explain that the disorder their child has is a result of inheriting a mutated gene from each parent in the case of recessive inheritance. You could imagine the way they think, that it's their fault. It's not. You get the occasional "but we haven't seen a similar case in the family before" and you continue explaining the probabilities of having an affected child being lower than that of a "normal" one. It's a matter of luck.

We then go on with our bad news. That there is no cure for their child but the child was able to give us very crucial information. We tell them of their options for future pregnancies but we make sure that we mention the success rates and how difficult and lengthy the procedure is. 

Finally, we ask them not to blame themselves. They couldn't have known such thing will happen. We encourage them to tell the rest of the family to come and test for the same mutation. We tell them how much of a good job they are doing with their child. They leave with the relief of knowing the problem but still with a cloud over their head.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Dear 26

Dear 26,

By now I hoped we would have established a strong friendship. I thought you will take the time to warn me about what was going to happen since my last letter. I wasn't sure how you would tell me, but I some how thought you will be creative enough to show up in a dream or might appear in the form of an omen. Since my last letter, it rained bad news and I had no umbrella to protect me from the acidic feeling it brought with it. The news left a burning feeling on my skin and mind, I'm surprised there are no blisters. 

I try not to blame you a lot for not warning me, I'm sure you're busy living the settled life I associate with you. I just hope, in one of your perfect days, you'd find the time to sit in a coffee shop or in your home office and write a letter to me telling me the things I shouldn't worry about. Notes to your loving 22 year old self.

I still believe in you,

Monday, March 23, 2015

From Heaven

She was in my dreams last night, looking more beautiful than I ever remember her to be. Walking down the stairs, she was wearing a beautiful gold and green omani dress, the colours I associate with heaven. She was glowing and her wrinkles smoothed out, looking beautifully young. She smelt of oud and jasmines, my favourite. A gold head piece decorated the forehead I miss kissing. We were all happy to see her and she spoke words that made me wake up happy and with a smile, "I'm waiting for you". 

Saturday, February 14, 2015

5 extra minutes of sleep, please!

I woke up today with just the right amount of sleep
Got the chance to leave bed without the 5 extra minutes of sleep
Walked to the window and pulled the curtains aside
Opened the window just in time for that morning breeze to tickle my hair
I pulled my hair in a bun and walked to the bathroom
My breakfast is waiting. Scrambled eggs, sautéed mushrooms & lots of beans
On the side sits a white mug filled with perfectly brewed coffee
Acting like a scented candle, waiting to be sipped.
One sip, two sips, place the mug down
Grab that book to read

"Good morning!"

It's 7:00 am, the alarm goes off.
"5 extra minutes of sleep, please!"

Tuesday, December 02, 2014

The Path I Lead

As far as my eyesight could show me, on the right is a huge plot of land. There is a path, beautifully paved in the middle. There are flowers growing on both sides; peonies, tulips and I think I could smell jasmines. Behind the little fence of flowers is greenery like you’ve never seen before. That perfect shade of green, not too bright and not dull. The sun is shining and the clouds, I could imagine, are shaped like arrows pointing towards the end of the path which I can’t see. Birds come chirping above my head and flying towards the the same direction, as if they’re trying to tell me to follow. I stand on my tiptoes trying to get a glimpse of what lies ahead, but I can’t. I can’t see where the path leads to and I’m not a fan of surprises. I stand there contemplating whether I want to follow the clouds and the birds. 

As far as my eyesight could show me, on the left is a plot of land. Not paved, no flowers and no greenery. A few meters ahead, I could see an arch and behind it walls, so high and dusty. I step aside to look through the arch. I could see tight allies, rusty doors and broken windows. The place seems abandoned, and for all I know, haunted as well. I take a few steps forward. It smells funny in here, is it a dead rat or mould? Maybe both? I take a few steps more. I don’t think it’s an appropriate time, but I pull out my phone and take a few pictures. Photogenic, I could take pictures of this place all day. Where is this place taking me? I said I hate surprises. I continue to walk through. I see stairs and look up, it’s a very high tower. I run up the stairs, two at a time. 2, 4, 6, 8…120, 122, 124, 126. I’m tired. I deserve a break. 5 minutes later, 128, 130… 300. I’m up. I could see further than I thought I could. I look around as far as my eyesight could show me.


I’m confused.

Both paths meet.

I took the harder one.