To be honest, I no longer know what I'm expecting from life. Everything I plan seems to be hindered from reaching its end goal. It's starting to get hard to rely on hope for things to get better. I came back to Oman with such enthusiasm and high hopes and I'm seeing it as it slowly fades away. This is the real life everyone talks and warns us about.
On a more uplifting topic, April was the month I started volunteering. Not as long as I hoped for but it's still good to find time to keep myself busy. You can always learn so much from the strong souls with special needs. They make my worries seems useless when they are able to hold up a beautiful smile. I understand my parent's concern with my anger, I think it's about time I start working on it properly.
The last 5 days of the month were much more interesting.
I've created a picture in my mind of how Al Jalali fort looks based on the very little we know about it from Dad and books. I've always been looking forward to the day where I could actually manage to visit the fort and luckily Dad was able to sort out a visit for us. The infamous long staircase greeted us and I imagine my young father walking up the stairs, I've recreated scenes of Rayya and Zahir from a book I've recently read, Al Bagh. I was mesmerised by the view of the ocean. The place was nothing like I imagined it to be. I thought it will be darker. Gloomier. Yet I'm glad I got the chance to visit, at least now I can have an idea when someone tells us a story about the place.
I'm grateful for friends, those who don't sugar coat their feelings and concerns. Those who make time to see you, to actually talk to you. Those who understand. Those you can talk to, get very real with your emotions and probably make your weak soul cry. I'm grateful. Very grateful.
This month was also the month of returning to London after 7 months. Being back made me feel numb, like the cold managed to freeze all my thoughts and energy. It left me cold. But as I said, I'm grateful for friends. Those who spontaneously pass by McDonald's for Happy Meals and go have dinner at the bench in front of the V&A. Dinner at the museum.
I have a feeling May is going to be better. May the force be with us.