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Tuesday, November 01, 2016

Documenting My Life | October

After every high there is a low and I was wondering how long it will take for that low to hit. I hated October even though some good things happened. It was too slow for my liking. Too boring. Too bland. I'm glad it's over but at the same time I'm not looking forward for the rest of this year. I'm A day and 19 minutes late writing this but I already hate November and it just started.

October started happily, still continuing on the high of the previous month. I think being back didn't really hit me at that point. On the night of the first I watched one of my friends get married. She looked beautiful as always and I was so happy seeing her on her big day. I spent 4 years with her in Leeds, seeing her almost everyday. I've seen her smile, seen her cry, stressed and excited. And it was only fitting to see how she'll get along with her life. All the wedding details reflected her beautiful simplicity and I'm glad I shared the night with her.

It's difficult being back in Oman and continuously being asked to come back home, having to take permission to go out even if it's to the grocery store. I miss the independent life.

My MSc results came out in October. I can now tick off all the goals I set for myself. May I add successfully. It was nice identifying the feeling of success even if it didn't last long. This month I also finished reading 2 books that took longer than thy should: Sapines and I Capture The Castle.

It has been a month since I'm back and I still have no idea what I'll be doing. I sent an email asking for any job vacancies, I went for labs which might sound surprising. But so far I think it's the better choice.

Being back is killing any bit of creativity or willingness to write. I constantly find myself wanting to write to at least get some of that stress away but I never find the right words. Like I'm suddenly unable to clarify anything. And as the days passed I wonder what got me to this boring state of not being able to write anything I feel worth reading.

I need inspiration, I need muse. I need something to make me feel interesting. It's purely for me, I can't stand being another boring person that complain on the internet. And I can't seem to find the way out.

And finally, "I quite understood; when things mean a very great deal to you, exciting anticipation just isn't safe." - Cassandra, I Capture The Castle

I'm not looking forward to the rest of the year!