I sometimes wonder where all my hard work goes, all the hours I spend trying my absolute best to achieve something I'm aiming for. Does it go where all the bobby pins disappear to? Or does it get sucked up through some alien vacuum that takes it straight to a black hole?
It's difficult to find motivation when you're disappointed in your own self. When you start slowly loosening your grip around your dreams. You begin to question whether you're good enough for your own dreams. And that vortex of negativity shakes you up till you're too tired to fight for what you think is good enough for you.
I'm 24 and extremely disappointed in myself. I constantly find myself not reaching those high expectations I subconsciously set for myself. I'm never satisfied with my achievements and always there to point out my flows, never giving myself a chance to just breathe and appreciate what I do. I understand its not healthy and I shouldn't be doing it but that constant push is what forces me to keep going.
I hope you're nothing like that. I hope you're surrounding yourself with positive vibes, celebrating all your achievements whether small or big. That you're more confidant with your abilities and not questioning them. That you continue to learn and grow, never settling for just "good" for good is never good enough. And when you find yourself slowly moving towards that vortex of negativity, take a break. Travel to a new place. Try something new. Pick up a book. Surround yourself with those who make you happy. Forget your worries and breathe. You have time to worry about things later.
Just remember, that whichever black cloud is hovering over your head will eventually go away. The wind will either blow it away or it will rain. If the wind blows it, its gone and its time to move on. And if it rains, a rainbow will shine around your sole. Remember, whatever you do, don't ignore that cloud. Give it the attention and care it needs for it to leave you peacefully.
I just hope I'm wrong and all my hard work is gone to you.