Recently I've been reminiscing the past. I try recreating memories and senses I've enjoyed as a child but I don't find them appealing anymore. I'm worried that as I age, my youthful soul drifts away being replaced by a more grown up and boring one.
Lemons were a big part of my childhood. I loved eating them with salt despite my mother's threats that I'll lose my memory. I used to sit on the stairs' rail or our house wall and enjoy the sourness of it all. It's funny how sour is not my go-to taste these day.
When I'm in a hurry, I'll cut a lemon in half add the salt and have a salty lemonade. When I have more time, I'd peel it and slice it like an orange, add salt and maybe red chilli powder and eat it as quick as I can. Those snacks usually took place when mom was out of the house. I reached a point where I had to stop my snacks around the age of 14 because of an allergy/rash I got that they never knew what caused it. I wasn't able to go back to my lemons the same way again.
A couple of days ago I found one lemon left in my fridge. I peeled it, sliced it and added a lot of salt just like I usually have it. But I didn't feel anything. I didn't remember the good days spent on the rail eating my lemon and pretending I forgot how to spell my name or what day it was. Neither did I remember the satisfaction of, once again, having lemons without my mom's knowledge. It didn't feel the same, it no longer tasted the same.
I miss the days when, ironically, sourness was the taste of victory. It seems that I took things the way they are without giving them more energy and attention than they required. I loved the simplicity of it all and focused my attention towards enjoying the moment.
It seems that as I grew older I longed for a foreign taste. Something that required more attention and energy, more precision and complexity. I longed for sweetness and avoided sourness. I've become less tolerant to simple tastes. I grew up, became an adult.
And now, as life continues to throw lemons, I find myself confused whether I should make sweet lemonade or salty lemonade. Whether I should make lemon muffins or a lemon salad dressing. Or maybe throw them back, refusing that type of treatment. And as I sit there trying to decided what to do with the lemons, time passes and they go soft and eventually mouldy. I end up not enjoying them at all.
I reminisce the simplicity of the past, when I had my lemons one way and the most difficult part was whether I should have them cut in half or peeled and sliced.