I felt every tick and tock, every breath and every heartbeat. I felt myself being slowly and painfully dragged on that concrete road they call January. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I found myself religiously waiting for the clock to turn 00:00 for me to make my usual wish and a bit of relief that another day has finally passed which means I'm a day closer to something. Throughout the month I kept my hopes tamed to a non-existing state, I'm not ready for more disappointments. I don't think I could handle it.
I've seen what stress can really do, when it manages to shut you off and dances over your tired body. We take our health for granted, forgetting that at any given minute we might lose it. I admit I'm not one that takes care of her health and my diet is not the best. I was lost for too long in my thoughts, forgetting to give myself a break. I stayed up longer than I should and barely ate. My body tried to warn me before it crashed, I just refused to listen. Until it crashed. I don't want to go back.
I visited the south of Oman for the first time. It wasn't the right time to be there and I was too tired to enjoy my stay. When I felt better I walked to the beach with a book to read, and at that little time spent outside I wished if everything was better. I'm glad I managed to go though, it's a good change and a reason to go back and compare.
On good days I found myself with good company and refreshing weather. At a BBQ party with my favorite people. At a tea party beautifully set up in blue and white. At my best friend's engagement party. At a family gathering with entertaining topics to discuss. On good days I found myself immersed in a good book, lost in a fictional world and a city I've learned to love. On good days I found my dad open up and speak more about the past. On good days I was at peace.
February, please be better.