Dear 26

Dear 26,

There is something soothing about following a recipe. Its very well structured and the end result is usually something you're familiar with. There is something satisfying about using raw ingredients to come up with something completely different and tastes 10 times better. There is something about focusing on perfecting a recipe that helps your mind to just take a break from over thinking and focusing on whats in front of you.

Next time it gets a little too much, when your thoughts get out of control and you find it really hard to get out of bed. When the constant running of thoughts through your mind gives you a headache you don't know how to deal with. When no painkiller in the fridge helps and sleep is no longer an option, I suggest you turn to baking. Trust me, I've tried it today and I feel a bit better. Not better to the point of sleeping early or being back to my usual self, don't get too excited, but better. And for now, better is better than nothing.

When you decide to bake, I suggest you go for the hardest recipe you could think of. Something that requires a lot of effort and time. It's even better if you don't have all the ingredients in the kitchen, it'll force your to leave the house (sadly, I had all ingredients today).

I went for the honey cake today. I patiently waited for the sugar, honey and butter to melt and combine. I gradually added the eggs and whisked, giving no chance for any thoughts to pass my brain other than pouring and whisking. I added the baking soda and whisked until my eyes went a bit funny. And then came the part when I had to add the flour. Half a cup at a time I wished I had stronger muscles. The pain of folding the heavy dough, I can still feel it. It was good to feel frustrated at something other than myself, to be frustrated that the dough was still sticky. Then came the part where I had to bake all 8 layers, 2 at a time after having to roll them out into circles. That definitely didn't give me a chance to think about anything bothering me. And after all layers were baked, after burning myself a couple of times, it was time to make the frosting. The sound of the hand mixer silenced a lot of the thoughts that were trying to find a way to get my attention.

When I was done assembling that 8 layer honey cake I wasn't really ready to be done. I wanted something to be missing. To find another recipe or find any excuse to keep my mind busy. But it was over. And eventually everything will come to an end. There is always space for another happy ending.

Get baking