Friday, September 16, 2016

Dear 26

Dear 26,

I haven't planned this letter. I'm sitting on my London bed, writing this as a distraction from continuously worried thoughts. I'm worried about you, how I'll be and how everything is going to be. But this is not a letter about my worries. It's about the habit of doubting myself and I know bad habits die hard. I'm 24 and still suck my thumb.

It's hard to get back to writing letters after stopping for 3 months. You lose that connection you once created with a future self. But after 2 years, I shouldn't really stop that established mean of communication with the future. You know for the sake of hope and strength and all that cheesy stuff.

If you're at a time that you're doubting your abilities, skills, anything for that matter, then I'm here to pick you up. I'm here to remind you why you're continuously wrong. And as I write this, I'm reminding my present self at the same time.

I can actually point out when self-doubt started. It was after that D I got in Math during 9th grade and the C in Physics. You'd think that initial self-doubt would've gone by the end of 10th grade when I got both those grades up to an A. And no matter how much I tried to convince myself I was back on track, my subconscious always won. And it continues to do so.

Despite the self doubt, let me remind you what has been achieved in the past 2 years. First and most importantly, getting comfortable with labs. I have hated them since I was 19 and never thought I'll ever enjoy them. 2016 marks the year I not only get comfortable with the ideas of labs but also actually enjoying them. And to go with that, a thesis I'm actually very proud of. And when I doubted last night that I'm not ready enough for that practice viva, I actually did really well. I have continuously proven to myself that I'm better than my doubts and it's time to think that way.

I'm hiding the true meaning of this letter behind education. You and I both know that this letter has nothing to do with education. I'm staying strong from this side with lots of hope and faith that Allah has written what's best, and that I'm sure (with no doubts) is true. I also have faith that this is the right thing and everything will work out accordingly.

With lots of hope and faith,