I used to be much more muchier, I was more confident in my skin. I was a character full of confidence, smart and successful in my studies, reaching every expectation I set for myself. My mind used to burst with colourful ideas just like my ever so colourful outfits. I was borderline clown, peacock, parrot. I was an eclectic mix of ideas and creative thoughts. I shined like the sequence in my top, reflecting positivity. I was a burst of glitter and confetti always surprising myself with what I could do an achieve. The idea of failing was never really a fear, I tried new things as random as high jump and when I realised I’m not good enough; laughed and tried something new. My attitude towards life was refreshing and learning from my past self is never a bad idea.
I partially lost my muchness when I got my first D after 9 years of being a straight A student, I did get up and get an A but it was the beginning of going down the rabbit hole. I’ve lost my muchness when I started doubting myself. I lost it when I didn’t score my expected 36 in IB. I lost my muchness when I didn’t fight to get up after failing to meet my expectations. I lost my muchness when I left my curiosity at the back of a dusty closet.
I’m now down the rabbit hole, I’m now in Wonderland. I somehow made it down (or up, whichever way you look at it) still sane but with lots of bruises. I’m still not sure how I made it but it seems that people are proud of where I am at this point in my life. I still haven’t opened my eyes wide enough to realise where I am. It is now my job to make the most out of it. To enjoy tea parties and fight the enemies. To regain my muchness that I’ve lost while I still have time.
It’s about time to be the flamingo that sets everything straight.