I used to have a math teacher in school, Mr Ernie, who used to fix our grammatical mistake of saying something is hard when we really mean difficult. “Math is not hard, a table is hard. It might be difficult! But not hard.” Life is proving to be much more difficult than I thought. I’ve been warned about it by people, by professors, by book characters but I never really grasped what they were saying. I have always been up for a challenge, I work hard to get what I want but the outcome is not always good enough. When I’m pressured to do things the way people want it to be done I lose the need to be a perfectionist. I become ok with completing tasks effectively and in the best way possible. When I’m cornered to do things the way people want it to be, I lose interest, I stop working as hard and with it I lose my creativity my standards and myself. But I still complete my work!
I have a short temper and no patience making my life even more difficult. I’m being weighed down by my own negativity and constant pressure to do things the way they want it to be done. I wish I had the power to just shut down my ears for a few minutes to allow a few moments of peace for my brain. I feel sorry for my mind, soul and body. I’m being unfair to them. The problem is I believe in karma, so I must to be fair to them.
For now I’ll wear my noise cancelling headphones and try to listen to my heart beats. They might tell me a secret.