Sunday, March 21, 2010

Whose Next?

I'm scared to face another day, 
cos the fear in me just wont go away. 
In an instant you were gone & now I'm scared

The funny thing about goodbyes is that we never know when they'll hit. You wake up thinking its just any other day but you got smacked on the face with the worst news. Something you might have had at the back of your mind. You keep pushing it further and further back, not wanting it to happen. But it does. In the past year 3 of my friends' fathers passed away. Having to deal with such tragic news is the worst feeling anyone can go through. What's even worse is dealing with the friends, I felt lost not knowing what to do. After the continuous news of fathers passing away I over thought about when my turn would be. I kept getting continuous dreams of my father passing away. It reached to a point where I was too scared to go to sleep. 

October 2009:
I was told by my mother about my dad's heart problem. Flashbacks of all the dreams I had kept playing in my memory. I don't want to lose him. I don't want him to leave me. I've been very negative that month, thinking of the worst that could happen. Thankfully nothing did. Wishing him full recovery and perfect health.

November 2009, 3rd day of Eid: 

Dressed up in my jalabiya and putting on my makeup. It was just like any other day in my grandparent's house in Saudi. It felt dead, anyways, since my grandfather was in the hospital. Went downstairs when suddenly the maids come rushing, crying, telling us that my grandfather passed away. I couldn't help but breakdown and cry the second I heard the news. I never wanted to admit that one day he'll be gone. He's been here way too long to just leave us. Now, and after four months, I still don't want to believe he's gone. 93 years.

After losing one of the most important people in my life, I can't help but think... Whose next? When will  it reach my turn? 

May Allah rest all the dead in peace.